Online Dating and The Great Flake Out

Flat April was supposed to go on real life first date today with a man from Tinder named Marcus. I know, I know… I’ll admit, Tinder is sketchy as hell! However, people don’t seem to meet in real life anymore, and there are so many options online. I have two friends who met their current significant others on Tinder and ones getting married in May so why not take my chances? Tinder can be a good thing, once you wade through the cesspool of creeps, scumbags, and asswipes. (Side Note: I really don’t hate men, but there is a faction that are just not good men; even my dad says men are scumbags… and I listen to my dad because he is a man… I just wish I’d known how much he hated my ex, but I digress)

I have accounts on Tinder and POF, which are both free. I absolutely refuse to pay for a dating site because there are so many inactive accounts, and they are the same dudes that are on the free sites, so why waste my money. I actually love Tinder because I can control who contacts me, but POF is like a nightmare of scary messages and men who look like they haven’t taken a bath in a year. It really makes you question yourself when you get nonstop messages from men who are… for lack of a better word… atrocious. 

I know something is wrong mentally with some of these men when they are using the most unflattering picture of a human being ever to attract women. It’s not even that they may be unattractive (some actually are) so much as the picture they took makes you cringe. They think their work picture with sweat and dirt smeared across their face while holding a cigarette makes a woman excited to meet them?  Or maybe it’s the picture of them in their homes with what looks like an episode of Hoarders in the background they think will get the women? I’m sorry but….No honey…just no.

If they don’t have the thought processes to find a better picture then I instantly mark them off the list of possibilities. Ive probably passed up a soulmate a few times based on something as petty as picture selection. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the “shirtless gym pics” and the “just above the crotch slightly pulled down waistband” shots. These morons really don’t understand that those pictures are actually a huge turn off? You look like a fucktard, put your shirt back on.

With Marcus, sadly, I knew this was probably not going to be a love connection, but it may have been nice to meet someone new. 

Marcus is a bartender at a local restaurant. Not to sound like I’m materialistic or even snobby (ok, maybe a little snobby), but I feel like at age 41, that particular career choice shows a lack of ambition and drive. I have had an actual career with benefits and retirement for the last 16 years, and I want an equal in life. Shit, I could probably walk into local restaurants and get a job today as it requires absolutely zero skill sets. Even knowing this, I decided to buy the one way ticket to slackerville just to hone my dating skills a bit. It’s been awhile since I was in the game. Maybe there is more to Marcus than meets the eye…. maybe not.

He wasn’t bad looking, and his pictures were acceptable. We exchanged messages here and there and it didn’t seem to be going very fast, so I lost interest. I didn’t even take the time to answer one of his messages and a week later, Marcus writes again asking if I wanted to get together the following Wednesday. Whoo hoo! A Wednesday night date! He must really like me for me to secure such a highly sought after night as a Wednesday. <insert sarcastic smiley> I’d honestly not want to waste a prime night if he is a dud anyway so that is kind of perfect.  He told me I could pick the place and after giving it some thought, I accepted and kept it casual by choosing my favorite buffalo wing place. Marcus agrees and the date is set….

Or so I thought….

Days have gone by and I haven’t heard a damn thing from him again. There are two wing franchises in the area and I didnt even know which one to go too. Do I just show up at one of them at 5pm and cross my fingers? Isn’t he supposed to confirm our date or something?

Now I’ll tell you this, I COULD write him and confirm it, but I am not going too. Doing that is chasing and I am not a chaser. If he was really interested in keeping the date he would be on it, and I don’t want to meet someone who’s can’t put forth the effort to get on it. This guy gets one strike and he is out, so it’s done, no leniency, no second chances and no mercy.  Ohhhh, I felt powerful and brutal while typing out “no mercy” just now! That was nice…

I absolutely hate that we as women get so little from a man and hold on to it like it’s the holy grail. We should have some minimum standards in men…. standards like showing up, putting forth an effort, and not sleeping around with 25 different hoes while pursuing you. Girl, you’re just asking for a visit from the clap when you put up with that shit. 

When many woman aren’t getting what they want they end up turning into the pursuer. Sometimes we MAY get the guy after pursuing, but what we really end up with is a lazy slacker who didn’t have to put any effort into getting us and in turn doesn’t value who we are. This is why so many men take women for granted and get lazy in relationships. We have to stop this ladies! Stop pursuing men and wait for the one who pursues you! 

I understand it will be hard to do this while online dating with a first meet up. But really, go if they don’t turn into flakes and don’t read into that first meeting. Men will show you what they want afterwards by their actions. You will know when it’s real and it will be easy…

I may sound brutal, but I’ve learned too many “life lessons”, more than I think I needed, and I’m tired. I’m not putting up with shit and not handing out second chances ever again. 

Lastly, for the love of god, I’m not giving out this flat putey tang ever again until someone earns it. Marcus hasn’t even earned another  response from me let alone a roll in the hay. You had your chance brah…. NEXT!
 

Stay tuned for updates, and also there is a guy I’m kind of digging on Tinder named Alex… who unfortunately lives kind of far from me. 

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