I am feeling inspired to write today about a topic very near and dear to my flat, flat heart. I have seen the way this topic plays out so many times, not only in my own life and dating career but also in other women’s.
Today we are going to talk about pursuing a man.
What in the ever loving hell are you thinking ladies! Stop, just stop….STAHP!
Nothing chaps my flat ass more than when I see a woman pursuing a man full out. Calling him all the time, texting him first, asking him out on dates, always doing the initiating of everything. Really? Why don’t we just cut of his nut sack and put it in the deep freezer for safekeeping.
I know exactly what the millennials and ultra-feminists are thinking already:
“Oh no, it’s 2017, and a woman can pursue a man now!”
My young ex sister in law used to think that way. She had very low self-esteem, would get stuck on someone, and pursue him to death using this excuse. Oh she usually got a romp in the sack or two with these men, just solidifying her emotional attachment. However, I am not here to tell you a story about how any of those faux relationships worked out in the end, because, well, they obviously did not.
“BUT it’s 2017 Flat April! Get with the times!”
Despite the fact that it is 2017 and we have invented cool stuff like the internet, PC’s, tablets and smart phones. Despite the fact that women vote, work with men, and join the military, I hate to break this news to you, but it has to happen. Ladies, basic biology and the function of human interactions has not evolved to keep up with your sentiments, and it simply does not work that way.
Deep down at their core, men, even the introverts, are still biologically hunters. They want to pursue what they want. They want to conquer what they desire. They value what is not easy to get, and once caught they will strut that catch around like a peacock showing it off to the world.
When we are doing all the chasing, we are taking all of this away from men. We are handing them our goodies on a silver platter, and they will take what they want (normally this equates to casual sex), but they will never value it. Even if your timing is perfect, and you get him to settle down, he will not value you the way he should.
I have a friend who pursued her man to death. They were in a relationship for a while, and she eventually decided again to take the relationship into her own hands and propose marriage. She actually got down on her knee and asked this man to marry her.
He did marry her, but the marriage was unhappy and sad. He cheated all the time, talked poorly about her behind her back, and eventually a few years down the line, left her for another woman he did pursue while they were married.
He never valued her because he never had to do anything. She was easy, and he didn’t have to put in any effort at all to obtain her or keep her.
Ladies, do you not want to know if your man values you? Do you not want to know that your man would have pursued you instead? Do you not think you are worth a man pursuing you like you want to pursue him?
If you are asking him out, making plans, doing all of the calling/texting, you will never truly know what his feelings are.
Right now, Flat April is still stuck in dating purgatory. No one is currently pursuing me even though I am putting myself out there.
Some men from the past write occasionally, but I am rarely initiating contact with the one I have some interest in, because I want to know that I am worth him stepping up for. For few weeks I’ve been mirroring him, being happy to hear from him but if he pulls back; I pull back. He steps forward; I step forward.
Moreover, yes, I can tell you that nothing is happening with this man no matter how much I want it, and it probably will not. At least, though, I am leaving myself open for the one who will value me enough to put forth the proper effort. I am not wasting my time, energy and emotion chasing after someone who does not really want me. I am certainly not making plans to “Netflix and Chill” with him just to get to spend time with him.
If he decides to step up and move things forward in an appropriate way, I would probably be for it. I know I deserve a man who wants me as badly as I want him. In my current situation, my self-worth is not dependent on whether he does or not though, because I have invested nothing but casual interest yet.
This is how each one of us should approach dating. Ladies, we are not the hunters. We need to use our feminine energy to attract men and then let them prove to us what their intentions are. It doesn’t matter what year it is, unless there is some cosmic radiation burst that changes the biological functions of men and women, this will not be changing anytime soon.
Until then, live your life, have fun, be open, flirt and encourage men, but do not pursue them.
You have been warned.
Coming soon to the Flat April blog: Guest appearance posts by a single friend, Flat Jess, who has been very actively dating and has some stories to share of her own!