Flat April Tours the United Kingdom, and Finds Men Happen to be the Same in Every Culture.

Ok, so I didn’t literally go to the U.K.



BUT, I did go on a date last Friday night with a man originally from London. Hellllloooooo sexy british accent! For the sake of this blog, we shall call this man Brit. (totally original, I know)

I suppose if you don’t include my one night stand with Matt from the past, this is my first “official” date that actually happened since the break up.

A little background, Brit began talking to me online when I was at my absolute flattest about a month “post flattening”. His pictures were attractive and he wrote long messages, seemed very talkative and very interested. At the time of the date (four months after we began talking), Brit said he was separated from his ex wife around a year, and his story seemed believable to me. The amount of interest he showed me, and how open he was actually scared me a bit.

I was more responsive while talking to Brit than any other guy online because I was attracted to him and, of course, the thought of listening to his accent seemed appealing.

But I was also a total and complete idiot for being available for dating online when I was so emotionally unavailable. It was probably a month after we started talking that Brit began to realize I was not as into the conversation as much as he was. Of course, he took it as a lack of interest in him, and wanting to keep my options open, so he even managed to get a little shitty with me and cut contact. (been there, done that, and I totally understood why he did it honestly)

The next couple months went by while I was still grieving my flattening post break up. I was in counselling and consistently looking for anything to make me feel better.

A few weeks ago the impossible happened though, the light switch totally flipped. I got angry, had it out with my ex through text, cried the rest of the day, and the next morning I felt like a new and improved April. Let me tell you, getting fully over someone is an awesome feeling. My entire out look on the relationship I had with my ex has taken a complete 180. I actually find him a bit repulsive now. (sorry, that makes me laugh, but lets be honest, he is a projecting, lying, manipulative, not to bright asshole, and I’m SO GLAD I finally accept it! What was I thinking!)

A few times over that period Brit reached out through the dating app just checking in. During one of those brief conversations he cracked a joke that I had dumped him. I will say I’m not entirely sure I agree that the word “dump” is accurate when you haven’t even met the person, but I guess that was his view on it. Am I wrong about that?

So after giving it some thought, I knew I had to reach out to him. I did, and I invited him to meet. Ballsy, because I am NOT a pursuer, but in this case I made an exception because I “dumped” him.

We made plans to meet at a local wing place near my home at 7:30 pm Friday. I was SO NERVOUS. I was shocked by how nervous I was.

I get there and enter the business after him and there he stood in all his 6’4″ glory and shockingly better looking than I expected him to be! YES, HALLEJUAH JESUS! Even his teeth were good! That accent was just like whipped cream on top of a gorgeous indulgent brownie sundae.

We sat at the bar table and started talking. We had drinks, ordered wings, and had more drinks. Time flew by, and it quite honestly, was the best date I’d ever been on. Before we knew it, it was nearly 1 am and the restaurant was closed. I can’t believe time went by so fast like that. This guy, and his damn sexy ass accent were incredible.

As we left, he said we needed to do it again, and even though there was no good night kiss, I felt all aglow and happy about it, looking forward to our second date.

Now, I’m a big believer that if a guy is really into you, he will plan that date relatively fast, or at least set it. But since then days and days have gone by with only a bunch of mundane friendly texting.

This period of time has given me time to evaluate the date and how I feel too.

During these few days I’m realizing something about myself. I’m entirely too attracted to guys who talk about themselves nonstop. That is exactly how my ex was, exactly what Brit was doing through text, and that is exactly what he did during our date and I didn’t even notice because I was so blinded by attraction. I heard ALL ABOUT HIM. I wonder if he was even in the least bit curious about me now looking back.

After the date also, I started to notice a pattern to in the times I would talk to Brit. During the day at work he was talkative, while he was away from his home at the gym or wherever he would text, and late at night (like 11 pm and later) was when he would send me messages on POF prior to the date (but he never texted during that time because he knew I was asleep).

I gotta say this, Ladies, I think men will try to make you feel guilty for this, but the way things are today with online dating, there is also absolutely no reason to not do your due diligence and make sure the man you’re chatting with is for real. So, that is what I did. 

Here is a list of red flags I have compiled about Brit that has made me decide that even without all the crazy mixed signals I don’t think date #2 will be happening.

  1. When we had first talked and Brit gave me his number, he gave me some burner number that wasn’t even his real cell #, even though the texts went to his phone… or some app on his phone? We found this out when I couldn’t send picture texts to him. (APPROPRIATE PICTURE TEXTS! Get your mind out of the gutter!) He gave me some excuse about using that number for work, but when I look at his business webpage his real cell number is listed there.
  2. Brit has been separated from his wife, who is supposedly a nasty “a hole” alcoholic, for the past year. According to him he is living with his mother and daughter (who hates her mother supposedly) in a condo in the same community. After this year separated, even with the amount he claims to detest her, there still has not been divorce papers filed and their house still has not gone up for sale even though he has talked about it many times.
  3. Taking an old stalker peep-si-poo at his wife’s found Facebook page was a whole plethora of weird red flags. Brit says they have been separated for almost a year, but she has pictures from 8 months ago of her and him as her “featured” pictures on her Facebook page. Let me break this down for you, when my ex fiance and I split, those featured pics were changed IMMEDIATELY. She also has pictures of her and her daughter in very loving poses together, in which the hatred isn’t apparent. (side note: she looks like she may be somewhat active on Facebook, or has been a bit in the last few months at least, so the idea of her not being on there is out the window)
  4. As previously mentioned, Brit loves to talk about himself. I learned all about him and all about how great of a business man he is. I learned about his iron fist tactics with employees, his disdain for everything, his wild ways with friends and even about his wife’s (yes he called her wife, not exwife) mistrust of him. Well, THAT is a red flag, because maybe you’re not trustworthy then? Seems familiar to me.
  5. Brit is SO opinionated and idolized Donald Trump. Listen, I am a republican, but everything with him was “libtard this, and stupid liberals that.” He honestly, unknowingly insulted some of my best friends by grouping people into these groups and judging them. He also appeared to be very judgmental of others, which surprisingly he actually projected onto me in subsequent conversations through text since the date.
  6.  He gave me the warning several times, “I’m a dick” …. wait… my ex warned me he was an ass, and I didn’t listen to that either. Maybe I need to listen this time.
  7. During the date, something that actually did strike me as wrong was when he was talking about his wife and said “I knew as soon as she got pregnant with our daughter that she wasn’t right for me. She got so bad that I would treat her like shit and be dismissive of her when she was around. I can be a real jerk when I want to be.”  I sat at the table thinking.. holy shit, I’d have become an alcoholic too!
  8. During and after the date, Brit said some nice things, but also negged the hell out of me, which is a common pick up artist tactic. I was called vain a couple times, and the best was when HE called ME judgmental. Pot meet kettle. He passed these off as funny comments but they totally had a purpose. 


So, first date down, and of course, I went for someone just like my ex. He talks to much, shows all of his cards up front,  has zero filter and ALL the signs were there of a totally narcissistic douche bag.

Flat Aprils Broken Dating Rule #4: Don’t get too excited after a first date until you have time really evaluate what you thought of them…. oh, and do your damn due diligence about the persons background!

I deleted my POF account. The quality of men I was finding on there is so very low that it’s scary.

I also deleted Brit’s number from my phone….. cheerio ass monkey!


 Upcoming: I’m going out for drinks with Matt next weekend….. weird, IDK. 


Add yours →

  1. Cheerio ass monkey 🐒 dying 😂


  2. Ass monkey😏👍🏼


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