Hi party people, it’s flat April, and I haven’t posted a new blog in awhile because, quite literally, nothing is happening in my dating life. I’ve just got other things going on, like possibly starting a new position at work, and a Caribbean cruise vacation in two weeks, and I’m a bit preoccupied.
I suppose the only thing I’ve really got happening is with Brit, the immigrant from England. YA KNOW, I said a lot of harsh things about Brit in my last post, and some of them are certainly still red flags, but I’ve honestly let my curiosity get the best of me with him. I felt like I needed to know if he was actually married or not, and sadly, even after three weeks, I truly have no idea. I also did have a good time face to face, so maybe I was being harsh and wanted another chance to see.
Here’s the skinny on Brit. We texted quite a bit the first week and a half after the date. Most of the texting was initiated by him, though I did reciprocate a couple times. Some of the texting was flirty, some of it recapped how high the attraction level was for each other, but… in true Brit style… so much of it was all about him and simply friendly.
Like a fool, I kept waiting and waiting for plans for the elusive second date and it was just not coming!
I swear the psychology behind wondering if someone is interested is pretty messed up. For some reason, when someone appears indecisive about me, I gain interest. So for the last few weeks, my interest levels in Brit, DESPITE the red flags, had been growing. Why would I ever do that to myself! (honestly, it could be the accent that keeps me around too… pathetic Flat April, just pathetic)
I chalk this gain in attraction up to uncertainty and the need to feel desired. It’s right around the time we aren’t sure what a man is really thinking that us “birds” (British term) go all honky, forget ourselves and forget to analyze how we actually feel about the man.
In the end I actually ended up calling out Brit on us having a textationship in the making. (Textationship: when someone texts all the time but makes no effort to see you) After that, Brit and I had tentative plans to get together last Thursday (a week ago yesterday). HEEEEYYYY, now we are getting somewhere! But wait….. did you catch onto the word “tentative” up there. More accurately, Brit said we would “shoot for Thursday and confirm before then.”
I wouldn’t have had to be a brain surgeon, rocket scientist or a supreme court justice to guess what happened. Neither would you, so if you guessed that he cancelled two days prior you are a smart bird. He said he had to cancel due to a trip he took over the weekend. Then he went on his trip and…. silence….
The kind of silence that is so deafening you can hear your own heartbeat in your eardrums and feel the same beat in your groin. It was quiet.
Not a peep. Nothing.
And in true female fashion, what did I do? Once again, you don’t have to have your doctorate to know that I checked my phone every five fucking minutes, and constantly checked to make sure the ringer volume was up.
Wow, even typing that I know I am super lame.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday came and went. Monday came with a continuation of the silence until Tuesday night when it was briefly broken, sadly by me because I cracked. Of course the entire weekend, being a female I did what all females do. I called my best friend and began to dissect everything that happened.
Our last conversation was about my job… maybe it sunk in that I’m in a dangerous or male dominant career field and he pulled the usual man ego card with it. (a topic for another post for sure) Maybe he’s with another woman. Maybe if he and his wife ARE actually still together he can’t get away.
Maybe he dropped his phone and it broke, or he dropped in in the toilet. Maybe he forgot his charger, decided not to waste the money on another and spent the weekend unplugged. Maybe he doesn’t get a good cell signal in that…. large US city with plenty of cell phone towers….(haha!)
Maybe aliens abducted him. Maybe his airplane disappeared in a freak mystery and the media was silenced by the government. Maybe he decided to come out of the closet with his friends and was letting me down gently through silence.
Ya know, I joked like this with a friend once and we both felt awful because the guy actually was in the hospital and had a heart attack… but the chances of that really being the case are one in a million, and unlikely to happen again.
Anything was better than the reality of the situation. Anything was better than him just not being interested in me like that. I mean, the way he’s been texting me he HAS TO BE into me!
It took the wisdom of the 19 year old son of my best friend to open my eyes:
“If a man can go three days without speaking to you there’s either not a connection or he’s trying to let you down easy and let you put two and two together -Edward Draper 5/15/17”
I’ll give Edward credit with no name change, because he’s right, and we knew it.
I swear I must be an anomaly. If I’m truly not interested in seeing where something will go, I don’t initiate conversations every day. I don’t show all the signs of pursuing and I don’t share about myself. It feels like a waste of energy. I certainly wouldn’t make plans I don’t intend to keep…. so why do some men and women do this?
Because ego… because it makes them feel good and desired.
Which is a bunch of horse shit to the person it affects.
Brit had told me when he got back home he would have more freedom to see me…. It’s now the Friday after he got back, and though he has actually briefly contacted me a few times and told me all about his trip…. he has made ZERO moves to get together. And I’m simply beginning to lose any and all interest because I have accepted the truth.
I want to say I didn’t see all the signs, but honestly, after three weeks from the first date, I did see many of them. I’m not doing to badly honestly. I gave it time, and I think I can safely say now that he’s just not that into me without jumping the gun. So many women wait and wait and pursue and pursue, and ultimately waste months of their lives over a man who showed all of his cards up front in the first few weeks.
Don’t waste your time ladies….
As the age old meme of wisdom says, “If a man wants you, he will claim you faster than a crack head snatching up loose change…”
I haven’t initiated shit since last Tuesday night and I was brief yet polite and friendly when he checked in one other time on Thursday. Otherwise, I’m moving on.
I want to be some handsome crackheads loose change dammit, not some girl left on the backburner. Don’t ever keep yourself there ladies!